resources for pregnancy loss

Written By Danielle Liddick

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month, with October 15th specifically being Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day where candles are lit at 7pm for an hour to create a “wave of light” in memory of the little ones who are not with us. In honor of this month, I am writing this blog series to tell my own story and share all the resources I’ve gathered. If you are going through a miscarriage or are supporting a loved one through a pregnancy loss, I hope these posts can be a beacon of light for you.

You can find the other two posts in this series here:

This post is a gathering of resources I’ve discovered while supporting friends during pregnancy loss and also through my own experience with miscarriages which you can read about here. Every situation will require slightly different things, but hopefully this can provide some guidance.

Note: It’s worth mentioning that none of these are affiliate links, just resources that I have used and appreciated that I hope can also help others.

Helpful Posts & E-books

Notes FOr Family & Friends

Often it can be hard to know how to support a loved one through a miscarriage. Here are some helpful hints, but keep in mind that each person will grieve a little differently, so if in doubt check with them first to see what would be comforting.

  • Food is often welcome! Drop off a meal, some snacks or their favorite coffee. Depending on the person, some might appreciate it even more if you’re willing to “doorstep drop” the food so they don’t have to make small-talk. Others might want to connect and talk, so if you’re unsure ask them what they prefer. Bonus: Make some iron-rich foods to help recovery. Scroll below to see some recipe links for inspo.

  • Small gifts like flowers, chocolate, warm socks or a pretty heating pad are thoughtful options that can brighten hard days. You can also scroll below to look at the list of ideas for remembering the baby and consider gifting one of those if you know the family well enough.

  • Consider buying or making a care package. You can get a premade one from a practically focused site like EPLA or Held in Hope or look at pretty options like this or this on Etsy. If you’d rather custom make one, you can browse the ideas in the Making a Miscarriage Care Basket post.

WHAT TO SAY: Keep it simple, caring and thoughtful by saying things like “I am so sorry that you’re going through this” or “We are thinking of you during this hard time.” If you are close enough to the person, it’s also nice to check in via text to see how they’re doing, “Thinking of you today, how is everything going?”

WHAT NOT TO SAY: Avoid saying any version of “It was meant to be” or “This is God’s will” as well as things that might invalidate their feelings like “Well, at least you have a couple older ones” or “It’ll get better with time.”

Caring For Body & mind

Some miscarriages happen spontaneously while others take a few weeks to occur (called a “missed miscarriage”). Regardless of which type you have, there are some helpful items to stock up on to care for yourself. If you think you’ll have a little time, you could order a premade kit for free from here or purchase one here. If you cannot order a kit then ideally someone could pick these things up for you once you realize that you are having a miscarriage.

  • ‍maxi or maternity pads

  • disposable underwear

  • a heating pad or rice sock

  • a commode specimen collector if you don’t want to flush the pregnancy loss (ex: if you want to bury the miscarriage)

If it’s not blazing hot summer weather, it often also is nice to surround yourself with cozy items like blankets, warm socks, and sweaters as well as tea and candles. These simple comforts can ease some of the discomfort and help you feel more held.

As you are going through your miscarriage, it is sometimes helpful to journal your feelings about the process and read books or listen to podcasts that provide solidarity.

Iron Rich Foods & Supplements

After a miscarriage it’s a good idea to boost your iron intake to help rebuild your red blood cell supply after all the blood loss. When shopping for an iron supplement, look for it to be the most absorbable form as “iron bisglycinate”. This will help your body to effectively use more and will reduce side effects like constipation.

SUGGESTIONS FOR SUPPLEMENTS:

pick one or two to try

NOTES:

  • Do not take all of these supplements!! They’re listed as options for you to pick one or two. Although it’s rare, iron toxicity can happen if you’re taking too many supplements. You will likely be fine if you pick one or two forms of supplementation and then also eat iron rich foods, but it’s best to check with your doctor about the dosage that will work best for your situation

  • Take your supplements with orange juice or Vitamin C to help them absorb better. If possible avoid eating dairy products at the same time because calcium can compete with iron absorption.

You can also incorporate more iron-rich foods into your diet. Animal based foods like organ meats, oysters and clams provide a more absorbable form of iron than plant based foods like spinach or pumpkin seeds, but all can provide good nutrition. If you like to research, this is a great article by Lily Nichols about the different forms of iron. Below you can find a list of some iron rich foods as well as a few recipe links.

MEAT SOURCES OF IRON: clams, chicken liver, oysters, beef liver, beef heart, beef kidney, ground beef, chicken thigh, and salmon

Personally I struggle to eat liver/organ meats, but I have had luck occasionally purchasing an “ancestral blend” where the organ meat is mixed with ground beef. If I don’t think too much about it and make taco meat or a lasagna to mask the flavor then I can usually manage, but I am unfortunately more squeamish than I would like.

PLANT SOURCES OF IRON: unsweetened cocoa powder, natto, cashews, cooked spinach, pumpkin seeds, tahini, cooked beans, firm tofu, and broccoli, blackstrap molasses

RECIPES: If you’re a friend or family member who wants to support recovery, here are some ideas for recipes you could make!

Remembering Your Baby

Many people find it helpful to buy or do something in memory of their pregnancy or baby. Here are a few ideas that you could consider:

  • Buy a custom piece of jewelry like a necklace or ring with your baby’s birth-month flower on it or a ring that shows the size of your baby when they passed. There are many more options on Etsy too!

  • Light candles for the Wave of Light event on October 15th at 7pm as others worldwide also do this in memory of their little ones. You could consider getting a pretty candle like this or this or these that you could use for multiple years.

  • Donate towards a project like Baby Boxes or miscarriage kits by EPLA or make baby kits for MCC.

  • Make a memory keepsake box or a pregnancy journal (see mine here) to gather ultrasound pictures, any notes you received or other small things that remind you of your baby.

  • Buy a piece of art that reminds you of your baby. I love these by Paige Payne Creations, as well as “block cut” style prints like this or this. If you type “block cut motherhood print” on Etsy you’ll see a wide variety of options.

  • Plant seeds that correlate with the birth month flower of your baby (ex: snowdrops for a baby who was due in January) or buy a tree to plant in memory.

If you know any more helpful resources or want to share your experience, I would love to hear in the comments below!

Danielle Liddick
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my pregnancy loss story